Being with Each Other when Times are Tough
Below are two tools offered by Renee Jain. The first is designed to help you remember that there is always a message behind a behavior. The second offers ways for you to show a child or youth that you are fully present with them, before you try to help resolve a situation.
“Do You See the Whole Story?” is an exercise designed to help you step into a place of empathy. Think about a challenging behavior (the child or youth’s, or your own,) and draw an empathy map like this one. Note the behavior, and either some emotions that you know are behind it, or, what you imagine might be behind it. You could even ask the young people in your care to draw how they are feeling.
While it’s important that you know what emotions are behind a behavior, it’s also important for a young person to feel like you are able to be with them no matter what they are feeling. Renee Jain says that, “Holding space doesn’t mean we can’t offer strategies to the other person to feel better–it means we first allow for the big feelings to process through their system.” Use the phrases and actions below to convey your willingness to be present with hard emotions.
Renee Jain works at GoZen!, an organization that offers tools to help children manage anxiety. She has a forthcoming book, Superpowered: Transform Anxiety into Resilience, and a free Facebook group: Get Superpowered: Transform Anxiety.
If you know of resources to help transform anxiety, please share them with us!