One to Watch:
“Reckoning with the Primal Wound"
Recently, some colleagues and I watched the poignant documentary, “Reckoning with the Primal Wound.” In this film, Rebecca Autumn Sansom ponders the meaning of the concept of the “primal wound” in adoption. This term, which refers to loss, grief, and trauma as an inherent part of the adoption experience, was originally coined by Nancy Verrier in her book, The Primal Wound. Upon reading the book, Sansom felt validated in her sense that she had suffered as a result of having been adopted. She then set out to document her own experience, along with the perspectives of people in both her adoptive and birth families, in particular that of her birth mother.
In our work at The Vermont Child Welfare Training Partnership, we have recognized the challenge of the primal wound for many years. In our training and coaching, we underscore that adoption involves lifelong issues that begin with loss and grief. But in society at large, there is often still a prevailing narrative that the adoption is mainly a joyful experience. In “Reckoning,” Sansom and others point out that, while joy may certainly be part of the experience of adoption, the experience is not only complex, but it always begins with the trauma of separation and loss. The movie also explores the idea that how society has traditionally viewed adoption has often been through the lens of adoptive parents rather than through the lens of those who have been adopted.
One colleague noted, “As an adopted person AND an adoption professional, this film really struck a chord with me and made me lean into questioning the beliefs I held about adoption and who instilled those beliefs in me and furthermore, how have I been complicit in elevating a narrative around adoption and child welfare that neglects to acknowledge the grief and pain involved in the process. It’s an incredibly complex conversation that lives in shades of gray and we, as a society, really prefer things that are either black or white–racial implications fully intended. I think, in order for us to care for our adopted folks and make very intentional decisions about child separation and adoption going forward we must be willing to look at the painful aspects as well as the joyful ones and treat the full spectrum of human experience with equal reverence.”
Another noted, “The movie gave me a lot to think about, especially the concept that it has mostly been adoptive parents who have created the narrative around adoption and that we need to give more weight/voice to birth parents and adoptees.
“I think challenging the myth that all adoptees should be “grateful” and that all birth mothers are minimally impacted by the loss of their child is imperative to changing that harmful narrative.”
If adoption has touched your life, we recommend that you take a look at this film. Perhaps you’d like to watch it with others so you can share your perspectives and support one another. Know that the movie may evoke strong feelings, so be gentle with yourself as you watch.
You can learn more about the film; rent or buy it in English, Spanish, or German; and access a variety of related resources, here.