Read About It
What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
by Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D, and Oprah Winfrey
If you have been part of any of our classes or coaching here at the Vermont Child Welfare Training Partnership, you have probably already worked with the concept of “putting on your trauma lens.” This is something we encourage a great deal when you are caring for a child or youth with a trauma history. Putting on your trauma lens means reframing how you see the behavior of a child or youth. Rather than thinking that something is “wrong with” someone’s behavior, when you use your trauma lens, you instead wonder what has happened to create the responses you’re witnessing and what you can do to be supportive.
The book, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey, gives more insight and guidance on the idea of using curiosity to increase your own understanding. It will help you further develop the insight and skill to support children and youth, as well as adults, on the path to healing. This book is written as a conversation between the authors, each of whom has been working in their own distinct ways, to learn ways to help others heal from traumatic experiences, for over 30 years. While I read a paper copy of the book, friends and colleagues have found listening to the audio version soothing.
Each chapter of this book begins with a personal story from one of the authors or about someone they’ve known and includes visuals that explain concepts in ways that words may not. It explores topics such as the impact of trauma at various ages on our brains and bodies, what the effects of trauma look and feel like over time, what it means to provide trauma-informed care, and how those who have experienced trauma can move from coping to healing and develop post-traumatic wisdom. It focuses, in particular, on those whose experience of trauma began during childhood.
As a kin, foster, or adoptive caregiver, or someone who works with children, youth, and families, this book could help you dive deeper into skills you may already be working on. It offers information, shared in easy-to-understand-ways, on how the brain processes and stores information—and what that means in terms of addressing behavior over time.
Here are some concepts and quotes from the book that I’ve found myself mulling over and wanting to share with others:
On what helps when someone is dysregulated: “When someone is upset, words themselves are not very effective. The tone and rhythm of the voice probably has more impact than the actual words….If you stay regulated, they will “catch your calm.” It also helps to use some form of rhythmic regulating activity to keep yourself regulated while you’re doing this—like taking a walk, kicking a ball back and forth, shooting some baskets, coloring side-by-side; there are dozens of rhythmic ways to help us regulate.” (p. 197)
On combining consistent, loving responses with following a child or youth’s cues: “We want to provide therapeutic, healing interactions. Moderate, controllable, and predictable interactions….Controlling when, how much, and which aspect of a traumatic event they share allows a person to create their own therapeutic pattern of recovery. No one knows what a moderate dose of a revisiting a traumatic memory is better than the actual traumatized person. For [one little boy] it was literally only seconds long….Healing takes place when there are dozens of therapeutic moments available each day for the person to control, revisiting and reworking their traumatic experience.” (p. 199)
On the idea that most healing happens in community: “[T]hese children needed different kinds of therapeutic interaction at different times. They knew this even better than [the adults] did. A child who wanted quiet, nurturing interactions would seek out one of our staff who was a really good listener and able to sit quietly without talking—not easy for most adults. When this same child wanted to play, they’d seek out a member of our team who was younger and more playful….No one person…could be all things for all the children, who were each at different stages of development and in different stages of regulation.” (p. 205)
For increased understanding, validation, and a chance to consider new strategies to support healing from the effects of trauma, take a look at this book.